Revision
I chose to revise my personal narrative for my portfolio. I chose this essay because I wrote it in the beginning of the year, and my writing skills have grown greatly since then. I chose to focus on revising my conventions and organization in this paper because the comments on this paper suggested that these traits needed a lot of work. When I read over my essay, I realized that I could improve these traits greatly if I took the time to revise this paper.
I focused a lot of time on my conventions. I had multiple comma splices and other grammar mistakes. I was able to make a lot of changes to my paper because of grammar. I think my changes greatly improved my personal narrative. I spent some time on organization. Some sentences were unneeded and some sentences fit better in the paper. I think my revised paper is much better than my original paper and I am glad that I had the chance to revise it.
Worth the Wait: Revision
I focused a lot of time on my conventions. I had multiple comma splices and other grammar mistakes. I was able to make a lot of changes to my paper because of grammar. I think my changes greatly improved my personal narrative. I spent some time on organization. Some sentences were unneeded and some sentences fit better in the paper. I think my revised paper is much better than my original paper and I am glad that I had the chance to revise it.
Worth the Wait: Revision
Worth the Wait
I remember
the anticipation. Waiting for the moment that I would get a call from my dad
saying that my little brother was about to be born. “No baby yet?” I remember
saying on the phone with my dad, “Nope[M1] , not yet,” he would always
respond. The anticipation had been building
up for at least a month. My family on my mom’s side all went skiing, but I
decided to stay home in case my step-mom went into labor. When they returned
from their vacation, the baby still hadn’t been born. My step-sister Gracie and I were overly excited
because we had always wanted a little sibling.
On March
14, 2009, 3:00 am, my mom woke me up in a hurry and[M2] told me to put on a long white
t-shirt. “I didn’t know it was free dress
day,” I said exhausted, thinking my mom was waking me up for school. As I was
putting on my shirt my mom responded, “Your little brother is about to be born!” I was overjoyed and a huge smile came onto my
face. I ran and got into the car quickly. The car ride seemed longer than it was,
and I thought it was interesting that there were no other[M3] cars on the road at the time. As
we pulled up to the hospital, my dad sprinted out of the doors and took me
inside. We had to run to the hospital room where my step-mom was.
I sat in the hospital room for two hours
waiting for my step- sister[M4] , Gracie, to show up.. Gracie,
only six years old, walked into the room,
and I could tell by her face that she was tired and confused. It felt like the
room was spinning. Suddenly[M5] [M6] the whole family started crowding
into the room, talking, and taking pictures. We waited there for at least 4
hours. My head hurt, I was starving, I was tired.
So many family members had
arrived and started to crowd my step-mom. My step-mom was in a lot of pain, but
I wasn’t old enough to understand much more than that[M7] . The doctor asked us all to sit
in the waiting room. All the adults went to another place in the hospital,
while Gracie and I sat in the waiting room. The waiting room was long and rectangular, with cushioned chairs set up in
long rows. The floor was carpeted, and shelves were lined with children’s books
and toys, but I never touched them. I sat all the way to the left side of the
room, while Gracie sat all the way to the right. I dozed off a few times, but
for the most part, I was awake. I hugged my knees tightly, trying my best to
get comfortable. After waiting for six hours, which seemed like forever, my dad
came out smiling, “Trent is here.”
We slowly walked into the
delivery room and saw our brother for the first time. He was tiny and had very
short blonde hair. My step-mom was holding him and he was quiet[M8] . I asked to hold him. My dad
made us wear long sleeves and medical gloves to hold him because he didn’t want
us transferring any germs to him. Holding him made me feel so special[M9] and lucky[M10] [M11] .
That’s[M12]
when I knew that all the anticipation was worth it.
A few hours later, family friends started
showing up. They were asking me questions and trying to get the best view of
the baby. I wanted them all to leave because[M13]
they were so joyful, but they hadn’t been waiting [M14]
all night. Finally, everyone left and it was just my family and I. We all got
to spend time together[M15] .
My step-mom was in the hospital for about a week after that night, and every day
after school I would go see her and Trent[M16] .
This night felt like the longest
night of my life, but I am forever thankful for it. The bond that I have with my
little brother is unbreakable and incredible. He is the sweetest child, and I’m
so thankful for him. Gracie and I have taught him many things, and he’s helped
us learn how to take care of kids. He is smart and a [M17]
fast learner, and everyone tells me that we look exactly alike. We always go
swimming and play sports together. I’m so grateful that he turned out to be the
brother I wished for. The[M18]
night my brother was born was one of the most life-changing experiences that
I’ve ever had, and it is so[M19]
special to me. He was totally worth the wait.
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